Daddie’s Shakti Flower  - M. Ulto 2007 (click for full sized image)

I am Daddie’s Shakti Flower

I am his moon and his stars

and his stain unclaimed

when the riddle unravels

first on my skin in freckled code

later in DNA stripped bare

petri me attached and new

Daddies are plenty

Fathers are rare

I in faith renew

my search for you.

- M. Ulto, August 2007

This poem and digital art came together fast, as I have started anew my search for my father.  I had given up, but stories have been coming at me fierce and fast since June.  I’ve been inspired by stories of people finding their fathers, their siblings, their family afar and once lost.  I know there is almost nothing to go on but faith.  I know I may never find him, but I can’t stop looking.  I took a rest, for a long while, and set aside my daydreams and expectations.  I no longer expect a hero, but simply a man who, with my mother, gave me life.  Gratitude mixes with anger and abandonment fears, each time I think of this man looking down at me as a baby.  Perhaps he never did, but a feeling I have says his eyes once looked into mine and knew love.  What did he pass to me, what lessons in momentary glimpses did he share?  Are there anymore stories he can tell me?

There is more than the DNA strand holding us close, yet anonymous.  There is the possibility of knowingness, belonging and family.  There is hope that his heart is the noble model for my own.

I cry still, but not often, for the loss of something never attained.  Father, find me, as I search for you.  Let the questions finally be answered, and the holes filled in my story and yours.

Love in absentia,
Melissa

My Diet…

So far, I’ve lost a few pounds, look younger (didn’t realize this was possible hahaha), went down a pants and cup size.  I feel good, but damn, the chocolate cravings have not decreased.  The craving for cheese and dairy has, though.  Not missing fish at all.

I’m basically eating only whole veggies, fruit, whole grains, tofu, whole wheat bread and water.  Sometimes a smoothie, sometimes a freshly squeezed juice.  So much water my eyes are floating!

I’m on day 15 right now, wearing a pair of G Unit jeans that haven’t fit me in months, and smiling rather wide.

Peace,
Melissa

Here is a piece created for the Tolerance Park Project, which seeks to create a park on Governor’s Island.

Peace,
Melissa

 

 Tolerance Park Project [4:29m]: Play Now | Download (412)

I directed a music video for Plastiq Passion a couple of weeks ago and we’ve finally finished up on post. My editor Raul did an amazing job. Much thanks to Jonathan for his cheeky performance as Death. And thanks to Nate and Natalie for their help on the shoot!

Check it out!!!

Peace,
Melissa

 

 Oh Death - Plastiq Passion [2:38m]: Play Now | Download (463)

Healthy Food by MiraRuido

Today starts a six week wager with my friend Brad. I’ve been complaining about getting in shape and getting healthy for months now, since moving and general life chaos took me off point. But I haven’t done anything about it - I’ve just been sort of stuck. So Brad, who is an Eat For Life disciple, is forcing the point - a wager to follow his eating/exercise plan for the next six weeks. I must follow it to the letter, or, if I fail, I must build Brad a website completely free, bitch-free, and LIKE IT.

I get my health back out of this deal. I’m not thrilled with my weight, but its my health that concerns me. I’m tired and cranky, and reach for chocolate too easy. For a vegetarian, I haven’t been eating my veggies lately. I prefer pizza and burritos. Covered in melted cheese. Mmmmmmmmm… (more…)

Rock and Roll Love Search - M. Ulto 2007

Yah, dating…um…yah…

What can I say? Its never easy for anyone. And I have less patience and time to spare than most. I skim deep dialectics in minutes, absorbing and comprehending meaning instantly. Yet men - can’t read them or figure them out at ALL!

What I take as a poker face I realize is most men’s standard stare. I have a bad habit of forcing a response, usually through lame jokes, provocative statements or a lean little too far over for a confusing glance at my rack. Yah, that one is real handy. Works when nothing else moves them. Yet that stare, while incredibly familiar to me, is also most times uncomfortable. Its forcing the power into my hands instead of sharing. I only share when I trust. Then I can let someone else be the boss, in most ways.

I know what I want. I’m picky. Most New Yorkers are. Its the water. Bottled and expensive.

So I’m gonna write it down. Listen to some LOVE inducing music and formulate it clearly here. It will be my online order to the universe. Let’s see how well its fulfilled. Busta’s linked below for a listen while reading… (more…)

 

 Baby If You Give It To Me - Busta Rhymes [5:24m]: Play Now | Download (910)