Multo.com :: Visual Magic

Binary Does Analog aka Online Dating

By Fotofrog on Flickr

I’ve started dating again. My last relationship fizzled in and out, off and on, for a few years. Whether it was convenience or fear, I kept going back to the Well. He was a mighty fine Well, but our hearts are pointing in different directions. So recently, we decided to stop seeing each other, but we still remain great friends and do work together from time to time.

So…so…so…I tested the waters. Still full of bizarre sucker fish and bull sharks. Against my better judgment, and a past history that clearly showed online dating is a losing proposition, I went on a couple of dates with different men. My mother told me never date actors, lawyers, musicians or politicians. I went out with both a musician and a lawyer, in one week. Hahaha…tragic, both dates. At least I can laugh.

Don’t do a movie on the first date

Here’s a recap of some tips I brushed up on as a result of these two ill fated dates:

Tip 1: Men need to understand that basics of social interaction still apply, even if you’ve chatted copiously on the phone prior to meeting. Realize you don’t know this person, you just shared cell minutes and binary code from electronic communications. Introduce yourself, shake hands first, don’t go in for a hug or a kiss, especially if your date doesn’t even know your last name yet.

Tip 2: Be polite at all times. Being civil and kind in uncomfortable circumstances shows a man to be a solid, gracious sort. And that, gentlemen, is very attractive.

Tip 3: Nothing is worse than complaining, whining, or bitching. Women go on dates to have fun, to have great conversation, to see if they want to get to know you better. Not to hear about all the things going wrong in your day, week or life.

Tip 4: Don’t talk dirty before you meet. Flirting, sure, but anything else just puts out the wrong signal. Makes the first meeting really awkward.

Keep conversation clean – I’m really bad at this one

Tip 5: Don’t go to movie on the first date. You can’t talk, you just stare ahead, and if the movie sucks, you are in dating limbo, stuck in a seat for hours, while your date either complains, cracks wise or just won’t stop muttering. Oh, and don’t spill the popcorn – some men actually get offended.

Tip 6: If your date doesn’t drink, don’t make a big deal out of it. I don’t drink – not because I’m an ex-alcoholic, I just don’t like booze, period. It makes my stomach hurt, it smells bad and I don’t like the way it drains you. I like being healthy.

Tip 7: Don’t get drunk on your date. She’s not there to babysit you or put you in a cab so you can pass out on your way home. Most certainly don’t call her the next day and ask “if it was good”.

Tip 8: If you aren’t having a good time, excuse yourself. Don’t “stick it out” and torture both parties. It is much easier just to bow out and be honest.

Tip 9: Thank your date for their time, even if it was a disaster. Have gratitude for the experience, as it will highlight what you want and don’t want in a mate.

Joy – love is the goal

Tip 10: If one of you offers a follow up, particularly the woman, respond with an honest answer promptly. Yes, a second date, or no, not interested – very simple and very civil to do. Dropping out or off is still rude, even if its in email.

Tip 11: Know that women of my age, 37, like to be wooed. We’re definitely not into booty calls or random hook ups. We like seduction, and the only way to get there is by knowing the person we’re sleeping with. The internet has made hook ups easy – sites like Lavalife have a section just for that – “intimate encounters”. That’s where men should be looking if that’s what they expect.

Tip 12: Pictures online never tell the full story, for both men and women. They also don’t give you the timber of someone’s voice, the gait of their walk, the way their smile grows or how they laugh. Dimensions are missing and expectations get dashed.

Tip 13: Online dating is a armored presence of smoke and mirrors. It hasn’t ever worked well for me. What has worked is knowing someone through friends, family or work. That way, you get to know them as a person first – so important. You shouldn’t drop your laundry until you know if the other person is worth it.

Deep and loving kisses…

Tip 14: First kiss – wait until the moment is right. Don’t go in for the kill just because time is running out. If you are not getting go signals, don’t go there. Awkward kissing at the end of a not so great date just puts the final nails in the coffin. But when you do kiss, make it gentle, tentative and let it build into something stronger if it happens naturally. Make it mindful and of the moment, not based on your “kissing style”.

Tip 15: Connect, make eye contact, talk, share, be open, show your heart, because ultimately, you are looking for love. I know I am, unapologetically. I’m not going to settle for so-so, or just alright. I want fireworks, a gallant knight, breathless kisses and weak kneed giggling. It is not ridiculous to think that someone noble and loving actually exists out there for me. Set your standards and don’t deviate, but stay open and make new friends when you can’t make new lovers.

There, 15 great tips to help you with the first date. Hahaha…

Peace,
Melissa