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Kundalini Uprising

What is a good man but a bad man’s teacher?
What is a bad man but a good man’s job?
If you don’t understand this, you will get lost,
however intelligent you are.
It is the great secret.

- Excerpt from The Daily Tao

Community – I didn’t understand. Connectedness – the invisible strings that hold us loosely together. Responsibility – where does mine start? Trust – learning not to ask so many questions.

I’ve been to the dark side of me, deeply, intensely, an all consuming affair with myself. My dream from the first days in Israel was a warning or a premonition. Not of hurting anyone external, but a pivotal battle with my fears, my ego.

In Israel, I broke down. The stresses of the past year, my fears, and my kundalini uprising crashed at the intersection of art and healing. A transformation I could not deny was culminating and bursting forth. The scariness and beauty of Israel and Palestine just pushed it along faster.

I say kundalini uprising because what changed is my recognition of my personal responsibility to this planet, and my understanding that we truly are all connected. I’ve always tried to stay isolated, in a prism of my own creation. That isolation helped me work on the wounds I’ve carried. Now, I feel compelled, more than I ever have, to work towards social justice. To put my skills in service of a larger purpose.

The heart wound is healing, I believe. I’m not so motivated to write about myself, but to make relevant and healing art. I’ve written myself out…I’m bored, or just saturated, with my own self-analysis.

I’ve been working with a healer, chanting and meditating, reading a lot of Pema Chodron. I deeply understand so much more about my own spirituality than I ever expected. I feel so much more humility and gratitude these days.

I’m stripped down, emptied, unburdened. I was lost, in my head, in my anger, in my trauma. I’m solo again, a healthy choice, and haven’t a clue where I’m going to end up. Looking beyond NYC this time…

I’ve been editing another film on Hip Hop and its yet another gift from the universe. And I’ve dedicated myself to assist Jessica Habie in finishing Art & Apathy, the film we worked on together in Israel.

Jessica was my good man, my teacher. When I freaked out, she was steadfast and direct. She let me go, let me figure stuff out on my own. Meanwhile, the universe brought sadness to her with her mother’s illness. We all ended up coming back early.

Bonds are something I don’t usually like or trust. I have a deep one with Jess and Nirah. Formed against my will, almost. Sisters of alchemy and experience, we reach out for each other in peace. The saw me at my worst and still respect me. With much love and light surrounding me, I cannot stop the healing process.

And, finally, the hilarious realization that I’m a hippie, perhaps a punky-arty-hip-hoppy-hippie, but a hippie all the same. The one thing I professed to hate. Well, don’t we all become to some degree our parents?

My mother was going to name me Che if I had been a boy. I think that spirit lives in me, without the name, but with her pre-natal intentions flowing through me all the same.

Instead, she honored me with Terra as a middle name, meaning earth.

:) melissa