metamorphosis
each part of my journey generates a space, a chrysalis, a zone of safety, that i rest in, learn from. then comes the time i must do the painful work of breaking past the safe cave life sometimes becomes.
i remember apologizing for the sound of birds outside my window. i remember being worried and a sort of proxy anger.
sleeping without the tv off is hard, but the reward is waking to the sound of rain, wind and birds playing on the vines outside my window. chickadees - a small flock of them - bouncing, diving, chattering soft and light.
the snow is melting and i listened to it drip down the walls and from the vines. the traffic is a far distant sound, like the ocean, ever present and rumbling in soft rolling patterns.
silence, surrounding the entire sound of morning.
:) melissa
I saw The Passion of The Christ last night, with my friend, named appropriately enough, Christian.
I had mental overload at some points and literally fell asleep. Not out of boredom. Not because i was tired before i went to the theater. It mentally exhausted me, all that suffering. Christian kept me awake, shaking my arm from time to time. He seemed unaffected. I flinched and turned away, yelped and moaned at one point. It was too hard to watch. I think i have come to a point in my life where i can’t watch violence, its just too hard to brush off as entertainment. It felt like physical blows, like a psychic attack.
“Oh, beauty before me, beauty behind me, beauty to the right of me, beauty to the left of me, beauty above me, beauty below me, I’m on the pollen path”
Navaho saying
Can life be that bizarre?
oh yes it can…bizarre, beautiful and absurd…
i got the cosmic kick in the ass i was seeking, and of my own design; today i sold my computer armoire.